Riddle Me This….
Explain to me how I can so easily find the words to write a lengthy rant, a sonnet that earned me a 100% grade for English class, poetry that was published in a compilation, and letters that evoke emotion from their readers, yet when I want to speak, I can no longer find the words that so easily flow to the paper. What happens in the speaking process that renders me a mute, completely void of any vocabulary whatsoever?
Is this a common problem for artists, or writers? Does the change in the medium somehow limit my ability to make proper use of it? It’s not like I have a problem with public speaking, or anything like that. In fact, delivering a speech is something I find rather simple. I do not fear speaking. Maybe because I have the ability to write my speech prior to opening my mouth to deliver it, it is a less threatening method of communication. Who knows.
I do know that in a desperate attempt to relay some very personal thoughts, and feelings that I have been struggling with for quite some time to someone very important to me, someone that I love very much, I am unable to speak one single word. Conversations about the weather, today’s football game, or a day at work are not a problem. I can even explain, in great detail, what types of projects I am working on for class, or for my personal collections. Feelings, however, that is a whole new ballgame.
I can’t remember having this problem when I was younger. It must have come with age. I could write it all down, rather eloquently, but handing it to the person for their eyes to scan, and for their brain to absorb seems almost impossible. In fact, I have attempted to write some of these things down many times for the past year. The end result? An envelope filled with letters that have never been seen by eyes other than mine.
How does one go from an extremely articulate person to a wide-eyed, trembling mess who is unable to utter one syllable pertaining to something that is a constant weight upon shoulders that no longer want to carry it? Perhaps my resolution this year should have been more about my ability to speak, and less about the writing that I have pushed to the side for so many years.
This entry was posted on January 6, 2014 by syykkogrl. It was filed under ~Emotional~, ~Just Sayin'...~ and was tagged with conversation, feelings, scared to talk, speak, talk, unable to speak, write, write emotions, writing.