Sanity is relative….

Posts tagged “love

Time to Play the What-If Game~Round 1

     What if nothing is as it seems?  What if you see the color blue the way that I see the color pink?  I mean, if we all grew up repeatedly being told that an orange is orange, and an apple is red, the sky is blue, and the grass is green, would we not always make that word relation to that same color? How do you really know, though, that what our eyes see is exactly the same from person to person?  True, scientifically it breaks down into light beams, and rods and cones inside the eye sending messages into the brain, but, how can anyone be sure that the exact hue, tint, saturation of those colors really LOOKS the same to every single person? 

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     What if there are tons of civilizations on tons of planets throughout the vast universe?  Are we the ones looking for life on another planet? Or are we the “life on another planet” that is being sought after by another race somewhere far off into the Universe?  It could be that they have already discovered us, and deemed us unworthy of their time and efforts, and have zoomed off into the distance of space looking for intelligent lifeforms somewhere else, somewhere far, far away from this planet.  And who could blame them?  They would find here inhabitants who destroy the Earth like a cancer, eating away at the good parts, and spreading the disease ever further across the globe.  They, surely, could see how humankind is not at all human.  Do they watch us and wonder how we can strive off of greed, and hatred? Or how we can continue to be at war over reasons, that to them, probably don’t make sense at all?  Do they see how we hurt each other, kill each other, have no compassion for one another, and think to themselves that they are better off staying far away from a planet filled with such disease?

     What if we are but a chronic illness to the organism that we call Earth, and not actually “human” at all?  What if our entire society, and all that we know eats away at this larger organism, destroying pieces of it little by little, and making it ever sicker until it dies?  What if cancer, and AIDS, and Diabetes are the antibodies sent by the organism that we are killing, in order to fight us off, and preserve its host (Earth)?  All of our ideas about who, and what we are in the grand scheme of things, are, after all, very relative.  Everything that we think we know is relative, based upon other things that we think that we know.  But, what if we are wrong?  About everything?  What if the disease that eats away at our bodies is really another race of beings, just like us, believing that they are on their very own planet, and certain that they are the highest intelligence in the world? 

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     What if we are part of a larger experiment created by an even more advanced society?  We have built habitats for wild animals, attempting to trick them into believing that they are not hostages, in the name of science.  We have built glass encased ant farms so that we can watch the busy little ants working away at their extravagant tunnels, and investigated how they live their lives.  But, what if WE are all just part of an “ant farm”, so to speak?  What if we were strategically placed in this “habitat” by beings who just wanted to see what our true nature as people really is?  If that happened, I believe the scientists would be extremely disappointed at this juncture.  I can see them shaking their heads, pencils over their ears, wearing lab coats, carrying clipboards, and speaking to one another about why we can’t manage to get past selfishness, and violence.  What if this has all been done before, before the “big bang”?  This could be one of hundreds of these “human ant farms” where we are placed, watched, recorded, and left alone to destroy, not only the habitat, but ourselves, as well.  We may have failed this whole trial a few (or a few hundred) times already, still they watch.  Maybe they change variables in each experiment, giving us ever more information about the necessity of humanity, love, and compassion, and each time, we manage to return to this uncivilized state of selfish, “wild animal” behavior.  Perhaps each time, those watching decide that they have failed, yet again, and destroy the giant case that we live in.  Of course, that “giant casing” could be just a metaphor, I’m not saying there is an actual glass case around us, I am simply pointing out the possibility that this is all part of a bigger, grander thing in a bigger, grander universe that we are far too proud, and self-absorbed to bother to see, or admit to.  For us to admit to that, we must admit to being inferior.  One flaw I have found with humans, is their utter, and complete inability to believe that they are inferior to ANYTHING.  Some humans, even more so than others. 

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     What if the lives that we lead are displayed solely for entertainment, like “The Truman Show”, with Jim Carrey?  Maybe we live a non-stop reality show, or maybe it just seems non-stop to us.  It could be that it isn’t even a show, but an elaborate play in which we are all the dolls, and structures of a child’s play room.  We sleep when we are not being used, and we would have no real way to know the time, other than the settings each day, which are provided by the child.  Again, so many people will read this, and dismiss it hastily.  That goes back to the inability to realize that size, even OUR size, is all completely relative.  Just as ants are tiny to us, there could be beings out there much larger than we are.  Just because we aren’t aware of them, does not mean that it is an impossibility.  It goes back to the simplest idea that we only think we know what we know because of the information that we have available.  If we weren’t in control of what information that was, how would we ever TRULY know any different?  We wouldn’t.  Do you really think ants in the ant farm realize that they are not a part of a bigger world?  If dolls could think, like we do, would they know anything other than what world the child created for them to know?  Probably not.

     I am in no way saying that any of this is true.  This is a little thing I like to call the “What If” game, and I play it quite a bit.  It is basically a “food for thought” kind of rant, where I question knowledge, or whatever else I may have on my mind.  This forces you to think, at least for a second, about the other endless possibilities about life, and people.  I like to point out how very imperative relativity is, in every respect.  And I want other people to stop, even if for only a brief moment, and realize that we may not necessarily be alone in the universe, and we may not be the superior beings.  It is POSSIBLE that we may not be ANYTHING like what we think we are.  Once you can start opening your mind to these thoughts, these possibilities, I think your general manner of thinking expands, and you are more open to the little things that you may have taken for granted yesterday.  All I’m really trying to do is to make you STOP, and just THINK. 

     I mean, really, WHAT IF you just stopped, smelled the roses, and let your mind wander for a little while?  What if we all admit that maybe we aren’t as smart as we think we are?  What if we allowed some of this to really sink in, and maybe, just maybe, it gave us the push we needed to be a LITTLE bit nicer to one another? A little more forgiving? A little more compassionate?  What if these are the thoughts that lead to a world filled with more love for one another, and less hate? More building, than destroying? More peace, than war? More consideration to our HOME, and less destruction, and abuse? 

What If??


The Ties That Bind

       What are the “ties that bind”?  What is it that makes your soul feel bound to one person, but not to another?  As we travel through this journey called “life”, we meet new people, make new friends, go new places, and try new things.  We also lose people, drift away from those we were once close to, and return to our comfortable places, and habits.  Through all of it, there are always certain people, certain places, and certain things that seem to resonate with you, while others weave in and out of your life like leaves blowing in the breeze.  Not to mean that those things didn’t carry importance to you, they just don’t have that tie that seems to lead you back, over and over again. 

     I have met, and known, some wonderful people in my lifetime.  On the same note, I have also had my fair share of “devils”.  I have loved, lost, and loved again.  Friendships have been born, and died, sometimes many times over.  What is most intriguing, however, is the way some of those friends find a way into your very being, and feel like a part of you.  What is sad is that they aren’t always the best friends, or even the friends with the best of intentions.

     I once had a friend that repeatedly caused problems in my life, in my relationships, and even in my emotional state.  Several times we would end the friendship, and go for months, even years, without contact.  When she would finally reach out to me again, even after many years, I would always listen to her apologies, and her pleas that she had changed.  She would tell me that she realized what she had done was wrong, all the while still making excuses for the things so that she didn’t have to take the full blame.  It was always a matter of, “I didn’t mean to…” or “I didn’t realize that…”, and every time, I would give her the benefit of the doubt, and though I kept her at an arm’s length for a period of time, I did always allow her back into my life.  There was something about her, about our friendship, that seemed to be greater than the things she had done to me in the past.  I always believed that she and I were bound, in some way, and that deep down, she had never intentionally hurt me.   I put up with more from her than any person should EVER put up with from someone who calls you a “friend”.  I did, eventually, learn that I was less her friend, and more her toy.  She only contacted me and extended friendship when there was something I could do for her, some way that I could help her.  Basically, if it was beneficial to her, we were the best of friends, but when a new guy came along, or when she wanted to get out of trouble with the old one, I was always her scapegoat.  She took advantage of my good nature, my kindness, and my willingness to help other people.  She used me, talked trash about me behind my back to her other friends, and even to my own friends & family.  She stole from me repeatedly.  For some reason, that tie was very difficult to sever.  It took me a lot of years, and a lot of heartache.  Even now, I can look back at our relationship, and agree that nothing she did was ever selfless.  She didn’t care what she took from me, what she caused me to lose, and I think, she even tried to break me down.  She tried to sleep with my boyfriend at one point, and claimed that she was so drunk that she did not remember having done it.  My boyfriend laughed at her, and I think that bothered her more than anything I could have ever done to her.  Still, I wonder what it was about her that kept me coming back, accepting her lies as truths, even though deep down I always knew better.  I can’t tell you what that thing about her was, or why she seemed to be necessary to my life.  But, for a long time, that is exactly how it felt.  I felt drawn to her, merged with her, like we needed one another, despite the problems she caused, to survive. 

      I no longer feel that way toward her, but I don’t understand why it took me so long, or so much to realize what, and who, she really was.  I don’t understand why I chose to believe that we were friends when she consistently showed me that she would not be on my side, or have my back in any situation. It was just one of those ties that bind that held me to her like a magnet, and I will never completely understand how, or why it was like that, especially when I knew that she was little more than a devil.

     People have used me for their own selfish reasons so many times.  People that I genuinely cared about.  People that I would have done anything for, had they needed me.  Many of these people created ties with me that I have yet to break away from entirely.  There is a big difference between knowing what you need to do, and doing it, and how your emotions still handle the feelings you have about that same person.  Your emotions sometimes betray you in those situations.  Despite the knowledge that I mean little to some of these people than a ticket to something better, I felt that same odd sense of attachment.  That tie that said me & this person were meant to know one another.  What is that tie that binds us to things (and people) that just aren’t good for us?

     Bad people in your life are like bad habits.  They are hard to kick, can ruin your life, and you can never be sure that it is really over. At any time, you are subject to “fall off the wagon”, and take them back into your life, with the understanding that “this time will be different”.  Could it be that only the manipulative people in the world have the ability to mark your heart in that lasting way that leaves a scar?  I can’t say that is entirely true either because of the few really good people that have also left those same marks upon my soul. 

     If it is not manipulation, how is it that people can tattoo themselves into your very being?  What is the tie that holds you so closely to another human being?  It has to be more than love, more than friendship, more than something tangible, otherwise, only the good things would be there, and the bad would flutter away in the distance like a leaf in the wind.  I wonder if it means that some things, some people, are meant to be there, meant to cause the pleasures and pains that they cause, meant to wreak the havoc that only they can pull off so that you can find the path in life that you are ultimately meant to find.  If you think about it logically, every little thing in your life has meaning and value in relation to where you are at this moment in time.  Should there be even ONE change, it could domino into so many changes that you might be a different person, in a different place, and certainly experiencing a completely different variation of your life than the one that you know now.  The chaos theory, in full effect, basically.  Maybe the only way that we really learn the lessons in life that we learn, or become the people we are, is by being bound to the people that we are so bound to. 

     Without some of my worst experiences, I would not have made the decisions that have led me to this place where I am now.  I would not have the benefit of experiencing the life that I live.  For the first time in my life, I have a devoted partner in my life who provides for me.  I am able to focus completely on my goal of completing the Bachelor’s Degree that I always wanted.  I can say that I don’t have to worry of infidelity, or dishonesty.  Had I made one single choice differently, I would not be with the person I am with, living in the place we live, or doing the things that I am doing that will ultimately better my life overall.

     Maybe I can’t fully explain the ties that bind us to the people and things that we cling to so desperately sometimes.  Maybe no one can.  Maybe, just maybe, they are there for a higher purpose, a reason still unseen to our eyes.  Maybe one day we will look back upon them, and realize how they led us to the place where we ultimately found everything we were ever looking for.   Even if we aren’t at the point where we have reached our own personal Nirvana, maybe we can, at least, see how we were led to a better chapter in our lives because of them.